Saturday...lonely Saturday

Saturday Shiny went on a romantic weekend with SB (Sweet Boyfriend) He didn’t tell her where they were going he arranged everything, soooo cute they just killed me, they are sooo in love. I just prefer to watch silly videos in you tube locked in my room.

Shanti came to see me and we drank red wine, she invited me to her wedding!!!! after the second glass I was pretty happy, I am a very cheap date, I need to work on that…She left all sober… while here I was drunk dialing in the middle of the day, how pathetic is that?

The worst is that when I am in that state, I said the truth and only the truth, I don’t need much, I even confessed my age and my weight!!!!! I would never ever tell that sober. I always lie about my age, just like my mom, who was 45 for ten consecutive years. Sexual orientation, oral sex and who knows what else I discussed with my poor cousin, who was just holding on in my drunken afternoon, until I listened his buckle and the hair spray... he was getting ready to go out and discovered the delicious touch of the night, while I am here hugging my macbo, how pathetic is that?

1/2 Farlos called me, pretending not being concern about my mental health, Juan Valiente called me also, don’t remember the conversation, I hope I don’t have to make amends today.

I nip tucked, got hyperventilated, my heart was jumping as well as myself, I danced 10 times “hips don’t lie” in front of the mirror with my belly uncovered, hoping that by repetition I could get the sensuality of Shakira (didn’t work). I ended up watching manga at 3:30AM. Tentacles and dolls with huge eyes, I simply don’t get it.

I forgot my knee pads in Amherst, today I have rug burns all over. I need to figure how to communicate with certain creature and I simply have no clue. Meanwhile I am listening Simon and Garfunkel, maybe they might know the answer I am looking for.

One month, one month, it took for these people to acknowledged me. My Macbook great conversation starter, two of the students have asked about it, because they are considering buying one, perfect opportunity for my preaching…soon I will start to collect commission from apple, I am selling tons of macbooks, by the way …are you considering to buy a new computer? I have the perfect suggestion.

Thursday I went out with Shinny and Beautiful Boyfriend, we went to a little get together from Shinny’s office, she works for a very well known entertainment company, hey I haven’t told you we were invited to the premier of Superman here in London, it was greeeaaattt.

Here is a gift economy, where the collective is the common denominator…we got to the pub and Shinny’s friend bought the drinks for the whole table, while I was holding my three pounds for my beer…they all looked at me thinking: “you are such an American” I put my money back in my pocket. Whoever stands up first buys the drinks and they fight over who should or shouldn't, I was not allowed because I am the guest (?) Hopefully they let me buy them drinks soon. It reminded me a lot of how things are in Mexico, is just like that my dad and his compadres are really really generous, they could give you their food, house, car just for the pleasure of giving. I totally forgot about it, I felt good be around something familiar.

English people can drink I mean they can drink, as soon as my glass was empty magically was full again. I started with beer but everyone was drinking Shandys or Irish Cider.

It is so funny, because for me cider is a drink that you have only in Christmas time, in Mexico that what we do. In my head cider is such a feminine drink is for the modest housewives who doesn’t know how to drink and even for children, I was given cider as a child in Christmas!!! And here all these rugby fans are drinking it…soooo weird!!!

I was at the point of seeing double and not knowing which language was coming out from my mouth and I decided to stop, this girl I have been talking to stood up to get mote drinks and I didn’t know her name so I touch her gently in the arm and I told her, please don’t get anything for me, she said in great British accent: Are you sure? I said: yes, I am pretty drunk already, and she laughed.

The Australian girl next to me asked me: -Do you know who she is? I nodded, she continued: your flatmate ‘s boss…upps.

I walked the streets of London at midnight pretty drunk, Beautiful boyfriend was drunk too and Shinny was the only one capable to guided to the right path. We took the train not before eating pasties and they were teasing me not letting me close my eyes in the train. I was: “please I am dying, let me close my eyes” and they were no Bee we need to walk back to the car. Boyfriend’s car was parked at the station and then they were fighting over who should drive. He has a Saab, as somebody I know, and he was a little concern about Shinny driving his precious, they were arguing and arguing, they forgot about me and I closed my eyes, it felt sooo good God!!! such a pleasure and with my eyes closed I offered to drive, “Over my dead body” both of them replied. Ok it was a suggestion.

Don’t remember how I got here, but suddenly I was in my bed with me eyes closed.

Friday, we chipped, meaning, it was a fish and chip night, we Nip Tucked and we drank (unusual) until we passed out on shandies, beauty (Christian Troy, you are going to be mine) and gruesome scenes from the butchery.

Life is so damn difficult!!! It is good but damn difficult!!!! specially when you need to tell somebody that she gets into your nerves. I did it today nice and firm, explaining myself and starting my phrases with: I feel… tears and phrases like: “I thought we are getting along so well” were present. Myself feeling less than a smashed roach, but thinking: “I said it… now I am not giving up”. This whole maturity thing is just too much for me, things like say what you feel, don’t let others to take advantage of you, defend your work and take the shit that comes with it. Bottom line: Getting old sucks big and huge time!!!

What happened with those days when denial was IN, when throwing a tantrum worked and when people believed in my manipulations. Dysfunctionality I want you back, where did you go?

Since a while ago, well since I started reading Gandhi I have made a resolution, (remember my March resolutions? hahaha they consisted in three items 1) if somebody ask me a favor, I’ll do it no questions ask, 2) Don’t watch any movie already seen, 3) Don’t remember the third. None of them accomplished) well this is something like it, I am telling just the truth. Those days of my compulsive lying are gone (for far so good) and things change when you tell the truth, for real. Lying is fun… it really is and I miss it, but telling the truth as dark as it could be, it makes me feel more connected with people, I don’t need to construct a whole different persona to relate, what you see is what you get, no more no less. Gosh!!! When did this happen? I am probably the least cool people in the planet right now, I feel naked…but happy.

First of all, thank you thank you guys for your comments and emails, we are not so far away after all, you make me feel like if I were still in North Pleasant St.

There are two recurrent themes here: 1) the damn rooster and 2) the Sri Lanka guy. Well, today I was in the mood for a sociological experiment, so I walked to my bus stop and is inevitable not to pass in front of his store, and speaking of the devil there he was. With all my bad intention I waved hi nicely and quietly, then I realized that I could buy my bus ticket from him, so looking to the floor I walked towards him, he couldn’t believed it, he was all smiles and greetings. I didn’t say a word when I was in front of him and he said: “come in… come in” I simply couldn’t give credit. I asked for the bus ticket and he said that he was out of them. Quietly I said goodbye. He said: “you’re nice” I didn’t respond. I was walking out of the store and he pointed himself and then he pointed at me and said: “nice” nodding with his head. Okay okay enough of sociological experiments. I got it.

Natural History Museum of London, do I need to say more? It is massive, I was sooo excited, it is a gorgeous building formerly a castle; they have all kinds of dinosaurs, birds, plants, insects and the Darwin Center, yeesss!!! Darwin I am back on track and sorry Mick but I think Darwin’s beard and hat are sexier than your bad nourished waist. It is incredible that at this point I haven’t talked about Freud yet. It is simply too much to handle and of course too many kids to have, but I am planning to go to his house this coming weekend.

Going back to Natural History Museum, I went of course, first in the plate to the primate section and they were there lemurs I couldn’t resist the temptation and I asked a German gentleman to take me a picture with them, to send it in a anthro-all email to show that I know now that lemurs are not monkeys. Are they old world (school) or new world (school)? Shhhh don’t tell Laurie I don’t know.

Trying to conquer one of my endless phobias I went to the exhibition creepy crawlies, yep! You guessed: anthropods...it was from ants to crabs, I learned a lot…like the skeleton of these guys are in the outside and it made out of layers and layers.



The kids and I were fighting over the interactive things they had. I was looking and looking and I saw I gigantic scorpion made out of rubber and plastic it was incredible, and my heart stopped when the damn thing moved!!! The little girl next to me burst into tears and I tried to calmed her down saying that was fake, but she could totally tell I was as scared as her and she kept crying loudly, mom came to rescued us both, we laughed and she told me you are pale…no comments.

They have in the dinosaur section a fake T rex and makes all kinds of noises, moves his tail and spots the people in the audience and all the children screamed at the same time. I am terrified not of the children the moms, God!!! What is wrong with them? The fact that you are pushing a baby strolley does not give you the right to go after me and my poor ankles. They are so rude!!!! They just don’t care as if the baby give them the right. I remembered the time one of us was attacked by a parent in the Boston Aquarium using his baby as a weapon.

I am writing this in my cubicle instead of working and heyyy do you know what? the girl with the black hair said hello to me!!!! She is great I love her!!!! She even winked one eye. God exist I knew it… I was using one of the department computers and I found that the last user didn’t log off, I didn’t care and I click on Explorer just to realized that was not working. I went to the start menu and I found some recent documents with titles in Spanish. They are hers I am sure, she writes in Spanish I am sooo ashamed…I stopped writing in Spanish a while ago. My life now is in English, I can’t help it I feel a little sad.

News from the rooster, Shinny told me that the neighbor had to give away the rooster because somebody called the police with a noise complaint. People… I simply don’t get it; the rooster was only doing his job. There are a lot of sexually frustrated people out there (including Lottie).

Friday, I navigated the streets of London as usual; I cannot get enough of the architecture, the noise, and the people. I sat down in front of the National Theatre facing the River, just there doing nothing, beautiful!!!! Am I dreaming?

As everything in this life has a counter part, Saturday I was up to discover a new place, so I took the first bus that I saw. What a freedom!!! just like that... it took me to Woolwich, a huge, I mean a huge street market where you don’t listen English, everybody is either African or Middle Easterner, children running, mothers trying to tame them and men standing and just talking.

I was in the exploring mood so I figured that this little place has a waterfront and must be a way to cross the river to get closer to central London. I knew I was in the South West. I saw a sign saying “river path” and that was exactly what I needed.
I took the elevator to what I suspected was an underwater tunnel leading the other side; before the door closed I read North Side 1 1/4 km. In Mexico City subway we have a 1 km tunnel between stations and I had to walked every single day to my job, I was pretty fit or always late because I could do it in less than 4 m, not bad!!!

I noticed that the occupants of the elevator were all men…5 African American and one I have no idea from where but certainly not white. The elevator operator was reading a book and I could glimpse the title of the chapter: Black Hate, the whole scene was surreal, taking into account that the operator was white.

The door opened just to let me figure my situation, yes it was a tunnel, creepy as hell, dark and humid, I started walking pretending I did know where I was and where I was going, it took me no time to figure that all the people who where in the tunnel were men, I was the only woman, with Capri pants and a cute little hat, I was only missing a sing in my chest: STUPID TOURIST. I started walking as fast as I could in my cute flip flops just to realize that the floor was wet and every other step I slipped. To be honest, as the British would say I was pretty scared thinking million of odd and horrific situations, I thought about taking my cell phone out, but who the hell would received signal in those conditions? Then the 6th guy followed me and asked me for the time. Spanish my salvation I told it in Spanish, he was pretty shocked and I kept “walking-slipering”.

The problem also is I have watched too much cinema and I remembered the movie "Irreversible" please if you have a little of common sense don't watch it. Thanks to that movie I have a phobia of tunnels, please don't watch it, if you have a little of self respect, but I know that some of you will watch it and then I can say: "I told you so, I told you so, i told you told you told you so".

The tunnel was endless if you think about the people coming in the other direction, of course they were all men. I thought what a horrible place to get raped, murdered and then chopped up into pieces. I was pretty angry with myself to let me get into a situation like that, but I was angrier about the fact I am a woman. Yes!!! The men in the tunnel were not scared at all. I was the only one who felt that the end was close.

I thought nobody knows I am here, I am alone, for real I am alone, I am going to die alone and nobody would know what happened to me…

The man kept asking me questions, to which I responded in stupid Spanish and sign language. He was frustrated and I was relief when I saw the end of the tunnel. It was the longest and the slowest time of my life. Take that feminists... celebrate womanhood!!!

Living in the suburbs

Yesterday I swam, yes with the big guys, In the showers a guy told me: Hey, do you want to do something cool? (he said it in British I couldn’t recognize the words, but I somehow understood) He continued: Face the shower head turn it on and hold your breath until you feel you can’t hold it anymore. And I did it, don’t know why, but it was great the pressure of the water was strong and hit my face to the point I had to give up and relax my facial muscles… time pass I was enjoying it so much that I didn’t need to breathe I stopped until I couldn’t hold it anymore, weird!! It was kind of kinky, I am going to leave it there I certainly don’t need another sexual perversion in my pocket. I realized how much stress and wrinkles I can create.

Remember Shanti, the Hindu girl who comes with us to the pool, we went back to her house for a cup of tea, of course, and she told us all about her wedding plans, she described her dress and how much she is going to pay for her hair do (65 pounds God!!!)

They are fascinated with me, they keep telling me how smart I am (just because I go to the U) and at the same time I think: Smart? You guys own a house, you have a car parked in your door, a job from 8 to 5, you never work on Saturday or Sunday and have two weeks of vacation. Am I really smart?

Living in the suburbs is fascinating, because is a whole different world, my friends here keep asking me where did I go? Visiting the places through my experience, because they haven’t been in those places!!! They really don’t give a damn about Central London. They all work there but they don’t have any further interest. I figured the underground in no time while cool mom has used it three times in her lifetime. I have visited the museums and galleries and they are so many to go, and they keep asking me about them. They can not figure me out because: 1) I read thick books with no pictures, 2) I go to the museums and I find it fun, 3) I take a lot of pictures of random stuff, with no people in them, 4) I am over thirty and I am still studying, among many many other things.

Using the public transportation has been a very humbling experience. I believe it makes you stronger, rushing, running, pushing, sweating and defending your space. If I want to make the revolution this is a good training. I complained about the time I spend on it, but if I think about it this is just average, my dad drives one hour and a half one way to get to his job, so do my two brothers in law and my sister travels at least one hour one way. What the hell am I complaining of? This is the freaking city, though, complicated, chaotic and incredibly beautiful.

Cohabiting is so interesting to me, we have created a little family, wait… yeah!! We are getting to the point of feeling comfortable enough to complain about each other manias, that is great!!! Shinny told me last night that she doesn’t like how I do the washing, she has a whole system figure it out. Towels and linen of the same color in a long wash, darks with jeans only, whites and only whites, and she has four different products for each option. Way too much energy!! I told her that in US I do my washing in the communal laundry plus I wash everything together, she almost fainted I could see on her face the trace of horror.

Food and cooking is always times three, and Sweet boyfriend-dad picks me up and drops me off from and to the library (I am such a nerd!!!) He brought dinner last night, and even when I didn’t eat with them he bought three different desserts in individual packages. That just killed me, how sweet!!!


In the morning it was sooo funny, the three of us were rushing to get ready to go to work, you could see slippers, bath robes flying around and coffee cups going up and down. Shinny said: “hey hun what time do you get home” I didn’t answer even though I totally knew she was talking to me. Sweet Boyfriend answered: “ I still don’t know” and she rudely said: not you, my other hun. I was laughing and laughing…it was so funny. In a way I felt flattered.

I have internet, I have internet, I have internet!!!!! I can’t even tell you how happy I am, I kissed and hugged my rommie as if I won the Nobel Prize she was a little overwhelmed with my happiness but glad!!! she has been joking about us getting marry, so then I can stay in London and live together, it is just easier according to her, the house is clean, the cooking is done and we share the hair removal cream. His beautiful boyfriend does not like the idea AT ALL, and he gets jealous, even when we promised he can watch…then he lifted an eyebrow and left the room.

Yesterday, my way home, what a pleasure!! I was ridding the bus and I could listen at least three different languages besides English. Everybody has a cell phone (they call it mobile) even when is super expensive. It reminds me of Mexico, that everybody has the latest trends in name brand clothing and technology with miserable salaries, I still don’t know how they do it. As long as we pass the different neighborhoods people are getting on the bus, colorful fabrics, saris, glowing skins, beautiful eyes and of course a lot of children.

It was the time the kids get off from school…it is very interesting, talking about gender. The girls were all together sharing a pair of earphones and the boys between 10 and 15 were soooo obnoxious that the girls just ignored them, but they insisted and made of kinds of bad jokes including accusing each other of being gay (what the hells up with that?), they jumped, pushed each other, pulled their backpacks... there was a lot of energy, and the girls just rolled their eyes at them. I could see certain sadness in the girls eyes, is like they know someday they are going to marry one of those obnoxious boys.

I have been drinking beer in regular basis, my mom is all concern, and you would think about me becoming an alcoholic, no... she is concern about my figure, she is the best mom. I calmed her down and told her that I am swimming like a fish and walking everywhere, there is no way I can gain a gram. I just discovered something called Shandy, which is lemonade with beer, that is what I drink everyday, I am learning how to be “functional” being half drunk, don’t blame me is so freaking hot that is the only way to survive, temperatures record now in London and guess what? They don’t believe in A/C besides the governmental buildings and some supermarkets, there is no A/Cs. Ridding the tube is interesting and even more the buses top floors, they even have been distributing paper fans, for real!!! I don’t know how I don’t complain, it could be because I love London.

I am officially a bag lady, Man!!! I am carrying my life and more through the several neighborhoods to get to the U. Computer bag, lunch bag, book bag gosh!!!

This past weekend was quite interesting, due on my lack of internet I went to the library, waited in line until a couple of kids were through with their game, I had to send stuff to my UK adviser and I brought it in my flashdrive and I left it there!!!! Yes!!! Now I don’t have internet, nor mp3, neither flashdrive. I am convinced somebody is using very bad black witchcraft on me.

Well, England is a combination of first world with third world, they really don’t give much a thought about technology, the royalty for sure is more important.

Anyway, I am not going to bitch more about it. Saturday Bea came for lunch; she is a friend of Shinny and she is sooo beautiful, we were eating salad in the garden with the bunnies for company, all of the sudden Bea lifted her drink and said, I have something to tell you…I thought… this must be big, I buckle up on my seat and she said: “I am pregnant” I will pay anything to had my camera in that moment. Shinny her boyfriend and I speechless. Shinny broke the silence and said Congratulations!!! Not until then, I realized it was ok and she wanted the baby ( am I horrible or what?, I think that nobody wants to get pregnant voluntarily)

We talked the whole afternoon about the baby, we put bikini tops on, laid on the grass and just talked. Dear boyfriend was bored to death with the conversation and he decided to do housework, he put shorts, his tool belt, his boots and he was shirtless. I swear it the whole scene looked from a 70s porn movie. He was working in the garden, cutting wood, fixing the lights and the three of us just talking about the future baby.

Sunday, I went to London, I mean Central London, went to one of the many street markets petitecoat, (not sure is the spelling is right and remember all the misspellings are intentional), they sell of kinds of stuff for nearly nothing, Went to Brick lane bought stickers with Allah on them and praying beads. Went also to Whitechapel Gallery, I loved the collages!!! And of course I went to the river.

That is my therapy, I remember a friend of mine from the many 12 steps programs I have been in, that she had this routine of one hour and a half of writing, praying and reading just to been able to make it through the day. I thought this is my therapy…Art and beauty, Am I really shallow?

I didn’t enter to the surrealist exhibition because Tuesday they are showing Eraserhead with your ticket…

I finally bought a pair of flip flops, Lottie chewed my sandals out of her frustration I don’t blame her is not her fault, I am frustrated too…at least the new ones are very very pretty.

I have a new neighbor. It is a girl (well…a woman) and she sits next to me in my cubicle. I have seen her before she never says hello and she throws her stuff violently on her desk, at least she makes noise. She has dark hair and dark eyes and has that air of Latinamerica, I bet she speaks Spanish I have seen her wearing Guatemalan type of tops, I am dreaming if she only talk to me…she doesn’t even make eye contact…in that sense she is more English than the English. I am afraid of eating, I am so intimidated by her long dark hair, I don’t know how is she going to react to the noise, but wait… She is eating!!!! She is chewing loudly!!!! I can see it, I am going to be obsessed with her I can feel it.

Talking about Latinamerica, the latinos are coming out from under the rocks. Last night in my way home, I overheard the lady next to my in the bus and she was speaking Spanish!!!! My heart jumped and waited until she hung up. Where are you from? I asked her –Ecuador, What do you do so far away? – I don’t know, She asked me the same thing and I answered with the same tone – I don’t know either…We laughed. She worked in (my???) neighborhood, she didn’t tell me, but we both knew she was a maid. She travels 2 hours and a half one way to get to her job!!! Without asking her much she told me about her family, she has three daughters two in their 20s and a five year old. The oldest one is studying to be a commercial pilot…wow!!!! Life is so incredible!! We bitched about the cold weather, the food and being so far away from home.

I said good bye and got off the bus just to realize that was not the stop I supposed to be…

I woke up today so incredibly bitter, to the point that is enjoyable, I still have no internet at home, my mp3 player doesn’t work and and and I don’t know maybe I am ovulating damn it!!!

Lottie continues to look for sweet love in Jacob and today I felt some sympathy for her. Jacob is the kind of guy-bunnie-rabbit that is been old since he was a newborn, he just wants to sits there in his corner and not be bother, lunch time comes he eats, go back to his corner, nice, quiet, calm… poor Lottie she has so much stuff to do-to explore - to discover and then chew and her husband simply doesn’t have the energy to keep up with her. I just can picture him in his lazyboy sipping beer flipping the channels.



I am going to the concert in St Martin of the Fields, Bach in the program…what a trip, at least I am going to have some music to enjoy, since my mp3 died on me. I refuse I refuse I refuse to buy an ipod, by the way, I saw a very clever Tshirt that said Iporn you imagine the rest. I didn’t buy it in US in American dollars I am not going to buy it in the currency of the Queen Elizabeth. I just remembered his jewelry…I am getting bitter again, it is just delicious!!!

I have internet at school, finally!!! and I just realized that computer guys are the same anywhere. He was so cute, he was explaining to me how to open a file in word, I mean I do not know much about computers but I do know how to open a file, then I realized that he was just making rubbish conversation...soooo cute.



I found money today, 4 pounds in the seat of the bus, and nobody was around so it was meant to be...I usually don't steal I don't but I have a thing for old magazines. I just stole a Vogue magazine from last month, my reading for my bus. Gandhi comes and goes...way too much santity...no meat (of any kind) :-( no sex, no milk, no no no sometimes is too much specially when I don't have internet, mp3 and no way to satisfy my high tech dreams.

Enjoy the silence, is that what the Depeche Mode said. Besides my chewing & swallowing noises I am starting to enjoy the silence, am I really turning in one of them? Do I one day wake up transformed in an insect? Wait I am an insect already…buuu no fun.

I am used to already to the public transportation and I decided to going back home by bus, just to be able to see the city, the people, everything is sooo beautiful, and not only in the sense of beauty as the Romans taught us, it is in the way of human faces, survival, air, colors, smiles…everything is alive, vibrating, ready to bust and then start all over again.

That is what the city is all about dying and starting all over again per secula seculorum…

They are many many things in this world I don’t understand among them I can count voluntary cropophagy, pedophilia and terrorism. I am not bother you with long arguments this is all I have to say about it.

Zidane, that is not football!!!, I got upset with him because even when I believe it matters what the other guy said responding with violence is not the way to resist. To react violently on it is exactly giving those words validity, giving them the damaging power they need, it is just saying yes you are right that is why I get upset, it is as bad as believing is true. The sad part is that I’d have done the same thing, keeping the cycle moving it is what we have been doing. If Zidane would have not paid attention and kept playing today the Italian guy would be crying his defeat.

Violence is so appealing that scares me…

I have been eating like a pig in my cubicle, I just can not handle the silence and I know I am driving some people crazy with my plastic wrap noises, my chewing and my sipping, there are crumbs everywhere and two pages of my questionnaires are stained with Wensleydale cheese and little tea drops. I am not used to the silence, I grew up in a household with 4 women including myself and a female dog trapped in a male body, there were never silence.

Remember the guy from Sri Lanka, I ran into him this morning and he totally changed with me :-( he was very friendly and even he tried to dance the day I met him. Now, I think I was overly friendly and I overwhelmed him, I was passing in front of his store and I screamed: - heyyy how are you? and started walking towards him, still kind of screaming: -I own you money let me pay you. The poor thing was looking around him searching for a hole in the ground where he could hide, I was in front of him and I said, how is life treating you? He couldn’t articulate a word he was overwhelmed. I paid my debt and left. So weird, guys do not like when women take charge, we are a little too much to handle.

Yesterday, I bought materials for drawing, charcoal and paper, I was looking for a pencil sharpener and an eraser, I passed through the pound store and the guy knows me already… I have been buying cheap crap produced in sweatshops, shame on me!!!! I bought like 8 pencil sharpeners and who knows how many erasers for a pound, none of the sharpeners work, double shame on me!!!! They guys was with other two and he said Hello very politetly. He said: -I don’t know what happened today that everybody have been buying these boxes, and he pointed out a box that said on the top “A little surprise for you” I said: Is that right? He said: -yes everybody is going crazy about them. I smelled something fishy and I got that the box was the kind of box that if you opened something comes out and scare you. I said: -That is an old one, I am from Mexico I know what this is all about. He said oohhhh you got me… ok… my friends and I we are making a poll to see how many people do it. He handle me a pen and told me. –Can you write your initials here? It was a piece of paper with the word NO and a bunch of initials written on it. I took the pen and pushed the button on top in order to write and I got an electric shock, I was speechless, They laughed and laughed and the only thing I could say was: - you men are horrible!!!!


Did I mention before that London is soooo beautiful?

I don’t even know where to start…

I just realized that being in love is all what it matters, when I say in love I mean that weird feeling that takes over and make you feel everything is all right, that you are safe, that the blood that travels through your veins is warm and you don’t even need a skin to be happy.

My heart is about to burst out of my chest and I still don’t know where to start. It is awesome to have the opportunity to live this over and over and over again. I told you bipolarity is IN. It goes up and down up and down and I need to admit it I just love it. It is a lifestyle.

A few weeks ago I was begging to let me get off of the train and now I am ridding it joyfully. I even approached a lady in the subway and told her, "Excuse me can I tell you something without making you feel uncomfortable?" She nodded at me and instinctively covered her very pregnant belly.
“You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen”. She responded with a faded thank you and ran for her life and the life of her unborn child, I don’t blame her, there are a lot of creeps on the lose.

Many things real and surreal have happened and contributed to this over the top state I am in. Among them I can count going to Camden Market (a super cool punk rock street market) We walked talked ate Chinese (pretty bad by the way) and bought leather jackets.

We went to the crypt of St Martin of the Fields Church and have tea at five right there on top of dead people, the tea was pretty good.

And we ended up going to Harrods and insanely super wealthy shopping center where the food court is a piece of art, people go and take pictures of it, I was at the delicatessen section and overheard a gentleman ordering some kind of pate, and I realized that I don’t have the social capital to eat there.

It was late and I could only visit Armani, yesss Armani real genuine dresses designed by him (well, not excactly him, but his firm, you know what I mean) I didn’t touch them, I just couldn’t… I needed to breathe so bad.

All these in one day, with adorable Z and his dear family who dared to adopt me. Gosh!!! I realized I am pretty adoptable if I where a puppy in a shelter I’d have no concerns.

Then I was heading back home, missed the first time of the final game of the World Cup, rushed to a pub close to my house the Blue Rose it is called order a bottled beer, just for the heck of it and got ripped off I mean Big time sat down and watched.

The people in front of me were all pretty happy between football (soccer for some of you) and beer and when they saw me all by myself they invited my to joined them. I still pretty paranoid about this things, I guess is because I feel I am alone and they were 8 I think. It passed through my mind kidnappings, murders, rivers, dismembered bodies, religious sects among some other things…they bought me beer and sat me down next to a man in his 50’s with the bluest eyes I ever seen, he was telling me all his adventures in past World Cups, the girls (4) were dancing and singing anything that came out Queen, The Killers, Blondie …

Elaine an Irish girl was pretty drunk and she was giving lapdances to the men in our table, then she got bored and continued with the girls, Italy and France just finished the extra time and they went for the penalties, I was watching the screen afraid of making eye contact with Elaine, she was just dancing with a girl called Sue, then they both went to the bathroom with their hands in each others rear pockets.

I was with Italy so bad, remembering my conversation with Rosano at Israel’s house, he was saying to me that the Italian team was not very good and blah blah blah…Elaine came back it was official Italy is the Champion of the World everybody hugged and kissed, Elaine was distributing kisses in mass quantities, she approached me and kissed me on the lips.

Properly I said good night and good luck and making pretty nice zig zags I returned home.

Do you remember my Rolling Stones hoody? which by the way, I bought in Wal-Mart, well… Shinny is back, as well as, her boyfriend, this morning I left home one hour earlier; because it just felt like the expectation of the sweet act of love was all over me, I didn’t want to be an obstacle for the souls to be together so I gathered my shit and came here to write my frustration.

Before I left he saw me wearing my hoody and chewed some words that I only could understand Mick and Stones, Shinny came to rescue me and told him, she never understands you, jokingly pushing him then pointing at him she said: speak slowly and open your mouth, ok?!, Shinny thank you for the humiliation. He then corrected his rugby player accent and told me that Mick Jagger used to live down the street. See this is a well off neighborhood. I had my eyes wide open to the point that hurt, and then he said, well not exactly down down the street, but in Dartfort…Ohhh I am fainting.

Seriously, we need to find a way to bottle the air. He told me that it is possible to go and check the place out and they actually have some stuff of him. I swear I would lick the leather from his sofa, his coffee mug and if is possible I would go through his bathroom’s cabinets… I would get pregnant with his 26th child, sorry Marx but you don’t have a 28” waist, and Mick does (Ivan we are going to get you…you embodiment of Lagerfeld!!!!). I remember reading in the Rolling Stone magazine an article about the making of the wardrobe for the last tour of the Rolling Stones, they were using super high technology to mix the right materials to make MJ’s jeans in order to making him look good, give him mobility and of course make them really really expensive, a thousand dollars a piece. While I am here buying at Salvation Army, man!!! one thing is totally true: there is no justice and there is no fairness in this life.

Anyway, I back on the trains, and today specially today was scary, the stations were full of police officers, and now that I know where the bombings were I can put the bombs and the places together, and it feels close. I was trying to concentrate in my sodo ku puzzle and I actually solved it, those things are fun…I am a nerdy bee, I can’t help it. The guys in front of me looked just like Oasis, I love the hair!!! Those Gallagers aahhhh two angry British brothers, it can not get better than that.

I simply can’t understand terrorism, it is the stupidiest thing ever. If you want to make a point go after those who are to blame or do something like get naked in front of the Queen, pull Tobey Keith’s mullet, get Britney pregnant again, wait she is pregnant already, never mind. But going after innocent people…I don’t get it, what purpose do that serve? A bunch of workers, fathers, children and mothers. Yeesss we are scared, you won…now what?



Many times, I have thought about what if something happens and tara puff life is over. I think that part is not the scary one, if I die today I can say I had a pretty nice life not bad for a Mexican bee, not bad at all. I feel that the scary part is exactly this one what if I don’t die today. Wow!!! Guys sorry too dense and too early in the morning. I can see from the window of the postgraduate office the memorial service for the victims. The streets are closed. Is it my imagination? or London is not as noisy as it usually is.

Life is so damn good! I have been reading a lot about my topic and every day I like it more, is going to be awesome!!!! at least for me.

Another good thing is that I have been having girl’s nights with Awesome-mom, the two of us, with clay mask and cotton balls between our toes watching chick flicks (Memoirs of a Geisha and Love Actually, it can not get sweeter than that) eating desserts hoping that the next day we are going to burn it in the pool.

And the pool, I can’t even describe what is swimming to me, swimming is my substitute of sex, getting older sucks, BIG TIME!!!! When you are over 20 + 10 many things can substitute sex, for instance: sleeping, shoes for sure, tango, art, money, fame, approval, pets and the best of all sugar.

Today, we went to the pool and it was busy busy, they even had to separate the slow swimmers to the fast, and guess what? I went with the fast ones. I am not even good, but definitely I am faster than the soccer moms, it is weird but silently people make groups, I mean elites…the guys with big muscles and super small speedos (why men do that to themselves?) exchanged looks and semi-smiles with me when they saw me keeping up with them, it is horrible!!!…there… right there a hierarchy of swimmers.




Let me tell you that I have been on the other side, and now I am crossing over as Dear Enoch would say, well is easy if you think about it, here they have only a few months of summer, this is not Florida where everybody was super fit, outdoorsy, sporty… lovers of the planet Earth. Here are a bunch of fish and chips eaters with pink cheeks.


It is so weird the act of swimming, because it is just in the middle of being a private and a public activity…you are almost naked among a bunch of almost naked people and sometimes you touch parts, get closer to others and the staring underwater, I used to hate it…you totally know when a guy is going underwater just to see you… and you know what? I am taking revenge…Thank you God!!! the small speedos are not that bad after all. See… swimming is the new sex at least gets you fit and you don’t crave tobacco afterwards.

Still no news of the rooster, I am going to start an investigation. CSI London the new series. I just remember Animal Cops, that is the best!!! Even better when you watching it high, crippled horses, houses taken by wild cats and starving dogs, what a trip…it is so damn depressive that gets to the point of being addictive, before you watch it I recommend to lock your firearms.

I went back to caffeine, I overdone it today I am shaky… I found myself alternating a sip of coffee, English tea and Diet Coke…I can’t help it I just love the smell of caffeine in the morning.

Today I decided to be the first day of the rest of my life, so I had to use my cubicle. It has been some delays on the project I am in, and that has been lovely absolutely lovely, I had time for wandering around, write and going nuts in a different country.

When I got here (the postgraduate office) I thought: OMG what is wrong with this people? Nobody talks… the office is absolute silent, they work, they actually work and of course they don’t say hello…I was traumatized by the Amherst’s way of not saying hello and I can see now from where did they get it…

What a welcome after two hours… two hours riding the stupid bus, welcome to the City and have an nice day!, actually were 3 buses, but this is going to end tomorrow I am buying the monthly pass that allows me to travel the whole city in any way of transportation existent. I can wait for the scientists to invent a way for humans to travel through optic fiber; you could read your email and stumbling upon while your going to your job. Heyyy I thought about it first!!!

Going back to the subject, Jesus!!! What is wrong with these people? Can you believe that I miss SoCo (South College, for those who are not familiar with it, is the cozy filthy place Anthropology graduate students call home back in Amherst) I even miss the pee leaking down from the ceiling and the Asbestos sign in the bathroom. I refused to believe I will ever say that but everything is in perspective now…Ok is this the way is going to be? You don’t mind me I don’t mind you, so First World.

If this office were in Mexico, we would be watching the World Cup drinking smuggled beer hidden in color sport bottles. Mexico is great!!! You should go to Cancun and live La Vida Loca, that is my recommendation for today.

I have no internet at home did I mentioned it before? Hahaha nor here, they want me to pay for it, since I am not a privileged UCL student who... by the way, don’t pay fees, Damn money!!!.

My baby sister got her first good paid job (in Mexican standards) and we were discussing this, now she understands why people become compulsive shoppers, money is evil!!!. The thing is, if I don’t pay the services I don’t get them, lovely capitalism. Well… in a sense they are right, I am a visitor whatever you wanna call it and I don’t pay a penny, but how do they expect me to work without internet?… Oohhh shit I just realized they want me to work!!! “The honeymoon is over”

Yesterday, I saw the best thing ever…coming back from a meeting with a group of Bangladeshis, who by the way, were more friendly and open that I was expecting, I stopped at the British Library which is stoning and they have an exhibition called: The Front Page, is a collection of more than 100 years of British Newspapers. Is basically 100 years of history there in my face…I wanted it to jump!!! But I didn’t I am too shy.

I clandestinely took two pictures (hhaaaa I got them!!!): 1) the front page of Gandhi’s assassination and 2) John Lennon’s death (for 1/2 farlos), both deaths I was in that mood yesterday. I saw the front page of: the man on the moon, the first tube baby, the first clonation, Dolly, the decoding (not the Da vinci code) of DNA, accidents, disasters, serial killers, two World Wars, Sexual Scandals, The Iron Lady, Martin Luther King, Elvis Presley, The shooting of the Pope, Diana, Camilla, the Queen, the Kennedys… Incredible actually I dreamt about it…It is official I was not popular in High School.




I spotted a sign that said WiFi at the library, heyyy I am in Heaven, I ran and ask the guardian if the Wireless connection was for free, and in the most humiliating tone said: Free? there's nothing free in England, I reply yeee I can tell...I left before he continued his observations...




I swam 13 double laps…26 single who said bees are not good in math? I am so tired today, but I was so happy swimming and so desperate to move after the long hours in the bus, still I am not ready to tell you my waxing my bikini area story…

By the way, me dearest cousin dreamt with me two nights ago and he doesn’t want to tell me about it, hey J he is afraid of our super dream interpretative powers, Long life to Jeremy Taylor!

The two Hindu guys who were running the internet café where I was, kicked me out because the game was getting close, the bets were England 3 – Portugal 1, I thought about betting 10 pounds to England, good thing was that my religion does not allow me to participate on those activities, I didn’t.

The first Pub was call The Rising Sun, very original, it was dark and full of cigarette smoke, I literally stuck my head through the threshold and I saw the clientele, they were only men with red noses and pink cheeks and they all looked at me when I tried to enter, I smiled and I thought maybe not. Well, maybe is not the best idea to drink beer by myself in a Lewisham Pub.

By the way, my flatmatte Shinny hates soccer (here is called football as in the rest of the World but US). She says the she hates the shouting that gives her migraines
:-( well, I don’t blame her I didn’t grow up in a country with Hooligan culture, the worse that the Mexicans can do with football fever is to get drunk, not going to work and vandalize national monuments that is nothing…

The thing was that I was not in Central London and that made the pubs more local, do you know what I mean? Less touristy…The anonymity that one gets from Central London is gone in the suburbs.

I took the bus to my neighborhood hoping to find a place where I can watch the game and drink a beer with complete strangers.

From where the bus drops me off to my place is less than three block and I didn’t realize that there were four Pubs in the way. London has a pub in every single corner, that is lovely. Well, it seems that the Red Lion is going to be the place. Again, I stuck my head and same story, only men, where are the bloody women? I thought: I don’t want to be mistaken for a hooker, you know, drinking by herself, tough, smoking, legs crossed... a barfly. It is relevant to my story to tell you about my outfit, I was wearing a tunic top and my praying beads on my neck, a very spiritual hooker,(today I was called indirectly/ directly "my precious whore" so romantic) … anyway I gave up the idea of a pub and I decided to buy some beers and watch the game home.




Stopped at the convinience store and the guy was very friendly, I bought a couple of the chepaest beers and I was short by 50 pence, he was making conversation while I was going thru all my pockets: - It is very hot, - yess it is, -I come from a very warm country, and I was - Is that right? -Yes, Sri Lanka, - ohhh (looking interested) He continued - I lived in Germany for 13 years I was smuggled from my country to Berlin, (I was speechless) then I decided to come here with relatives, and the hot weather bothers me after living in Germany. (I had no comments) He asked me: - And yourself, where are you coming from? I answered: - Mexico... -Oohhh Mexico very sexy ladies (and he started moving pretending to dance) I didn't know what to say a faded yeahhh came out from my mouth.
He said don't worry about the pence you can pass them later. -okay ...Thank you.

Went home watched the game, slept through the second half on cheap beer, woke up for the penalties, screamed so bad for Portugal, watched my neighbors quit the pic nic after the game...I saw a girl with a pony walking down the street...That was very cheap beer.

Traveling is the best thing ever!!!!

I have been visiting internet cafes in Eltham and Lewisham. Remember what my friend said about these places? It is totally true...but I feel alive, this are my kind of places... only a few lost whites folks trolling down the streets...Random guys have said things to me like: "uuhhh I like it...", "Heyyy, babe!!!" OMG!!!! they are looking at me...

Yesterday, I went to this internet cafe that has a coffee shop next to it...Beautiful place and I mean in a simple not- British- at- all- way. Middle Eastern music was playing loudly and three men where sipping coffee sitting on rugs. There is no rush they are not bothered by the music on the contrary they seemed to like it, they talked, argued, teased each other and laughed...life is great isn't it?

Every single day I discover something new and I love it, except the Damn Bureaucracy...My not connection with the virtual universe of the internet has pushed me to move my ass and find the real world. No more e-dating, e-pets, e-cards, e-copulation...

I have discovered Sky tv... flipping the chanels I found the adult channels, porn with British accent...not interested, but I found the bollyhood channel, I didn't need any substance to reach such an altered state. I am obssesed with it...the hair the make up the shinny clothes...

Today England plays Portugal ... I watched Argentina vs Germany by myself at home with a beer can in my hand I was swearing soooo bad ssooo bad GGooaallll!!!! Damn it!!! I wanted Argentina to win just for the sake of the Tango.